Remember my previous blog post about Xplay Shout! Awards?

Last Saturday was the pre-show party for Shout! Awards that happened at The Library to celebrate the nominees.

I was very excited to go upstairs to the party :p

We’ve got VIP passes. So we don’t have to queue up for long Thanks to Jaclyn. And also, we’ve got free flow of beer all night long, which was our favourite part

Ohh check out the crowd

It was very happening and crowded. Can you imagine the heat :/ But after all, It was an awesome party, I am looking forward to Shout! Awards which happening on this coming Saturday

Guess who? Mizz Nina and the crowd

And there was also a battle of the bands

Check out the winners

Gee XD

guess whr is it? It’s Popeye. We got really tired and hungry after the party so we had our late dinner there.

I am going to attend Shout! Awards which happening on this coming Saturday at Stadium Putra Bukit Jalil. To get the FREE passes, just download 3 Call Me Tones of the Mobile Content Award 2010 nominees from www.channelx.com.my

See you guys on Saturday

I never knew love & relationship could be one the best process of learning in life.

I jump from one relationship to another through these years, seeking for the one that I think he is right for me, the perfect one to be exact. I always understand that no one is perfect in this world. But I’ve never realized that relationship is not about perfection.

Honestly, I’ve learnt nothing throughout my past relationships but my personality and perception about relationship are getting worse. I never passed to be a good girlfriend I can say. I was always self-centered and selfish. I don’t give a damn about my partner’s daily life, issues he’s having, his family and so on. What matters is all about how good he treats me, how much he could sacrifices for me, and how he sets me as his priority. And all I do was nothing but waiting to receive 100% of his time, care, pamper, surprises and so on. Being pampered in every relationships doesn’t turn me to be a grateful person. Instead, I made everything their responsibility. The more I was being pampered, the more I demand and being not understanding.

Out of 6,879,100,000 people in the world I met him. There’s this person who seems a lil different from others. He brings the best of me, gives the feeling of butterflies in stomach. I wanted to be with him, instead of I needed him to live with. I wanted to settle down. And it makes me do a lot of thinking about relationship recently.

Sometimes, problems occur in relationship because each person is concentrating on what is missing in the other person. When we like/love someone, we tend to expect the person would be the one we wanted them to be. But sadly, we are all imperfect human beings. Everyone has their very own and unique personality. So bare in mind, before you try to change others, remember how hard it is to change yourself. They are not born to please anyone. If you like/love someone, you would absolutely see his imperfect perfectly.

Relationship is not about getting things done the way you wanted it to be, or simply satisfy your own needs. In a relationship, we tend to demand. But you can’t depend on other people to get what you want. Instead, relationship is about the moments, feelings and stories we share, hardships we’ve been through together and the journey of learning each day. Being with someone is not about being happy all the time, not to mention to fulfill your own fairytale that you’re dreaming of. When things go outta your expectation, here comes tears and angers. Thus, that is the time you start learning about consideration.

Trust takes a long time to build. As we know, it could be destroyed in a second as well. When we tend to suspect about each word he/she says, we know it’s the time we shouldn’t be together. We tried to believe each word they say, we tried not to be over sensitive to everything they did. Because we know that trust plays an important role in a relationship. Bare in mind, so does communication. If we could make everything clear and transparent, we would go through all of these.

In a relationship, we always ask, how much he/she could give me? How much he/she could sacrifice for me? To determine how much he/she loves me. We have forgotten that relationship is about give and take. we started to over concerntrated about ourselves. At the mean time, we forgot about the other one needs to feel loved as well. Do you ever sit down and ask yourself, what have I done to make him/her feel loved in return as well?

To be frank, I am tired of short-term relationship that is not meant to be. I am tired of changing partners constantly. I am tired of craps. I am tired of disappointment. I am tired of playing mind-games. I am tired of the feeling of heartache after all. That is why when I found thing is not right, I’d rather pull myself out from misery. Why bother sticking yourself in a relationship that you know it would never worked out. I’ve tried to fix it, figured out the problem and wanted to make things clear. But when the other person has obviously no intention to do so, why bother doing it again and again? Everything I did does not make any sense at all.

At times we forgive someone, not that because we forget about the mistakes they did, we simply still want them in our life. But when things are truly not meant to be yours, no point holding on for so long. I have no strength left for this crap, literally.

At times, I think I should just give up on searching for love. It’s way easier to find someone who is worth spending time together and marry with. But yea he is not the one I truly love. I always have this thought. Perhaps love is a luxury I couldn’t afford. So maybe I will just forget about it. Duhhhhhh ~

Imma give up seeking for love. But wait, we don’t need to find love, do we? Love has its way to find the two people that truly meant to be together, they work things out together, and eventually live happily ever after (excuse me I know I’m dreaming again)

Bare in mind, girl is always being a girl. Daydreaming  is what we do best. Although I said I’m disappointed in love, deep inside my heart, I am still right here waiting for my fairytale *cough cough*

Now you tell me, what have you people learnt from your past relationships?

It’s macaron ♥ Perhaps another sweet lil thing that could put a smile on your face.

I stumbled upon it in a cake house last week when I was in Penang. I was so excited that I had been dying to munch on this lil sweet thing.

There was six lil maracon in a box. I had two, and left another four for my family. I told mom I left it in fridge and asked her to have a try before I left. But sis told me they only found it in fridge yesterday :/ Mom is always being so forgetful. Now I know why am I so absent-minded . Please buy a new pack and munch on them again. I believe they could absolutely curve up your lips =)

I bought another box of macaron before heading to the airport, for someone as sweet as it, I thought. When I was home, only I realized that six of them were all crushed on my journey back. I was a lil upset for not taking good care of it.

I was not sure if the lil maracons had sweetened his tooth and heart when they were melting in his mouth, but he did sweeten my heart most of the time. Just when the sweetness and warmth have gone far, there comes the massive heartache.

Even the sweetest chocolate expires. what more can you expect?

When all the happiness and sweetness left you alone, you know it’s the time that you ought to wake yourself up from your own fantasy world no matter how wonderful it used to be. Dreaming could bring you to any place and person you ever wanted. But after all, you wake up and find only tears and broken pieces left on yourself. So get up, dust yourself off and move on. Most importantly, remember to wear a smile, because it’s the second best thing you could do to your lips. Wear a BIG one, because this curve has the ability to set everything straight and positive. Wear the most charming one, because the next may fall for your smile. Gee 

Fairytale taught us about living happily ever after, I don’t know if it ever exist in reality. But I remember someone told me, living happily ever after is that you know how to live happily even after. Just because this is life, a tough one, and it could never been easy. Fairytale has all the happy ending at the last page after all the hard times they’ve gone through, but this doesn’t mean in life, we’ll be having the same story.

October has came to an end. Let’s welcome November with a big smile and open heart. With all the positive energy and shouting it out loud, fantastic things will be happening this November

My mind and heart have issues with each other. They’re fighting, all the time.

As heartache comes along, no doubt my heart wins every time throughout the fight. It’s always easy to make up our mind. But the hardest part is to convince our heart. With all the decisions my heart made, it only brought me temporary happiness that I tried convince myself that maybe, maybe it would last long this time. Again and again. After all, heartache comes along. I don’t know how many times more could I handle. To be honest, I can’t handle anymore heartache that you gave me.

I’ve always wondered, what and who am I to you. I always find no clue to the answer. But today, I think I’ve finally had one. It might not be the exact one, but at least it’s the best and closest one I can give to myself.

I feel like a flying kite.

You are the person who flies me. You affect my daily emotions. You bring me up and down.

Perhaps I am the most colorful one among all the kites that you fly. That’s why you chose to fly me among others. You fly me whenever you want to, or whenever you needed to. You lift me up when you are happy doing so. You left me hanging in the air when you have no intention to do so.

You know that I am easy. You know that I am your kite and I will always be there for you to play with whenever you needed to. And most importantly, you know you can handle me well. Whatever you want to. When I was about to cut my string and fly myself away, you have the technique to make me stay.

For hundreds of times that I’ve made up my mind that it’s time to get over you for my own good, but my heart ruined it all. I’ve tried the best I could do but I never knew it could be so hard. When you pulled the string, there I go again. When I needed you, I went back and hand you the string again. I can’t stop laughing at my foolish self.

Meeting one in our life is our fate that we couldn’t avoid. Falling for one is not something we can control. But no doubt, the decision of either to get over one or to stay being a fool is in our hands. It’s controllable, but it’s just hard and needs loads of efforts. So hard that I don’t know what to do. Somehow I feel like, meeting him in my life is my fate that I couldn’t avoid. It is because karma is chasing me down.

Bare in mind, a kite is still a kite. He will never leave his herd and standing by the kite, just for the kite. Being together with him simply does not make any sense, not to mention about living happily ever after. It’s a luxury I couldn’t afford and handle.

I wish that there were a strong wind that could take me to far away, away to a place where I can have new memories and get over him. Or I should say, I should cut the string myself and let myself fly freely, let the wind bring me to places I wanted to go.

I’ve never tried flying a kite, so I don’t know how fun it could be. Why don’t you tell me?

“Don’t make her fall, If you are not willing to catch her.”

Sorry for the lack of blog updates, as usual.

It’s back since last week with the first 2 posts and I stopped blogging again. I did blog constantly recently, just that it was on my personal/private blog that no one knows, and no one would ever find out. And recently, I found that I actually enjoy doing so. Talking to yourself is way better than sharing it with people who aren’t even interested to listen to your rants. I’ve created that months ago when my blog was dead while I desperately need to blog and rant, but found no one was there to share my thoughts with. When I was in a state of breaking down and negativity has taken over me, I realized that it could be another way of releasing all my awful feelings and thoughts. Awful enough to just simply keep it to myself.

Tears seemed to be my closest companion these days. No matter what I felt, heard or thought, it’s flowing so constantly. I wailed and I felt rather dying inside. I felt like I’ve come to the end and I simply have no strength left, burdened with a heavy heart and mind. With all positive thinking and energy that I’ve learned and received, deep inside my heart I know that my state of negativity would ruin anything good ahead. But somehow in that awful state of mind, there’s no way to convince myself to stay positive and move on. I felt I should just give up and send myself to isolation or a life of misery. I actually already did.

But bare in my mind, with all the inspired quotes and words that I’ve read through, I keep telling my awful self “When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place.” At the hundred times of telling myself this, I’ve finally realized the meaning of it.

I feel grateful to all the people in my life that ever spend their time, just to picking me up once again. It’s okay to breakdown or sending yourself to the dark sometimes. In life, there’s always ups and downs. Perhaps this is how a life would be in order to make you a grown up, learn to be stronger each day, and learn to get yourself up when no one is there to give you a hand. There’s the moment that you would probably hanging for a while, looking back, re-collect every pieces of your journey that you’ve gone through and start realizing. What’s next. And what would be the best for yourself in the near future. Life could be a bitch at times, throw us stones and shits happen. But bare in mind, every toughest period in life gives us priceless lesson.

“To become a butterfly, you must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.” A quotes to myself and I’m loving it so much. It reflects my exact current situation.