Hello readers :D *waves hand*

I know I haven’t been blogging much lately, my blog seems pretty dull for months and my daily hits is apparently decreasing like 50%, and more :(

And now, I’m back on track! and u readers will be back and visit me more often right? :)

The first reason I stopped blogging for quite a while was because of the death of my granpa during CNY. That was a tough period. I had to be at the funeral everyday, praying for him every night until the day of his burial. I wanted to blog about some fun outings with my bestie during CNY such as visiting snake temple and so on, but i have no time to do so after a whole day of rituals in the funeral.

We always find that death is incredibly horrible as it bereave us of our loved ones. And we screwed up sometimes. But for certain people, such as old folks who are suffering from illness, that may be a relief for them.

I still remember the day that we got a phone call that granpa was found collapsed in his room. I was 15 that year, in the car heading to factory with papa as I was working part time in the factory during my school holiday. After dropping me, papa and all of my relatives headed to the hospital. Since then, granpa was in coma. But i guess he could still hear us. It was so saddening seeing how a strong person lying on the bed, couldn’t do anything at all. Needless to mention he is our loved one. Granpa was way stronger than other old folks I’ve met. I used to go hiking with him on every weekday when i was 13 and 14. And he insisted to climb stairs instead of taking the elevator.

After some time, went through a few surgeries, granpa’s condition was getting better. He could open his eyes sometimes. He could utter some blurry words. he could smile :) He could sit on the wheelchair and watch DVD. But a yr later, his condition became worse. And it was getting worse year by year. These few yrs, his condition was critical. It was a great torture to him and also to us as his family, seeing our loved one being tortured by illness like that but we could hardly do anything.

Granpa’s death wasn’t a shock to us. We knew it’s time for him to rest in peace, and met peace in heaven :)

After we were done with granpa’s funeral thingy, college started and I was having my last 2nd semester. Same routine of life as usual, but just, sometimes depressing over some personal issues and problems that made me sent myself to isolation and blablablah.

But I’m all okay now :D And somehow I couldn’t really remember what happened actually during that period of time as I have a very short-term memorise over certain things and ppl hehehehe. Yes I admit I’m a very emotional person. A lil thing or word could depress/hurt me real bad but sometimes a small lil thing could also cheer me up for the whole day :D:D:D

I was in a total despair, depression last couple of days but I’m a happy girl right now! :D one thing i’m so proud of myself is that, I could move on real fast over anything, and anyone!! :D I won’t let them beat me down for long :D

see i’m a happy girl :D:D:D

I’m free now and you are allowed to date me out anytime! Sing k, shopping, movie, afternoon tea, PARTY but no dinner thankiew, as you know I’ve put on lotsa weight and you don’t wanna be that evil, do u? :D

last couple of weeks, I happened to hear a conversation of a random man and a chicken rice seller beside my college. So it was all about his son who is goin to study in my college in the coming intake and he was thinking if it’s good to rent a house here and checking if this area is convenient for food and so on for the sake of his son.

And i dont know what made me walked to his stall and offer him my landlord’s number (wtf) cos my house has 3 empty rooms. Then he asked lotsa questions about the living around here. I don’t know why i would do that as I am that kind of person who won’t take the first step to talk to u initially or give a damn about anything happening around me but then i did it that day. And when i was on my way walking back home, the father’s voice and emotion looped in my head and my tears started dropping.

He reminds me of my dad. I saw a father’s love towards a grown up kid, just like my dad 3 yrs ago. I said i wanna quit Tarc and take a design course in KL that i thought he wont bother finding a school and get the info for me but he did. I was shocked, the day he came back after work holding some documents in his hands and showed me the comparison between LKW and TOA (my current college). Thinking about it could still bring tears to my eyes now.

It has been 3 yrs, time flies without us realizing and I’m now almost done with my diploma. Somehow i feel guilty, for not doin good in my studies, for not putting all of the effort into my studies, for so easily to be knocked down over and over again and have the urge to quit everytime. I’m never a good daughter i supposed.

Yea i’m goin to graduate,  provided if i passed the subject.

Hmm graduation is one big happy thing in life, but it signifies the beginning of another path in ur life at the same time. I am still confused. Let’s see where my destiny takes me to :)

I’m a lil excited.

I don’t know how to start this post, plus i am currently busy with my final projects and upcoming presentations. So yea, just let the pictures do the talking :)

Bagan Hailam seafood

Sepang Goldcoast

lil brownie <3

Mad mad happy :D

♥♥♥

Last Friday, I had a few outings with Danny, and he came to my house and we chit chat for a while after that.

As I opened door for him to go back, I got frightened by a lil black shadow outside my door, as my house is always dark and I don’t wear specs at home. When i looked clearly, i realized that it was a KITTY!

After I closed the gate and he left, I went into my kitchen, and realized that I still have one last can of tuna. So, I opened it and took out half of the tuna and put it onto a lunch box cover. Then, I went out and fed the kitty. He seemed to be pretty hungry cause he finished all of the tuna within a minute. I was watching him as he enjoyed his food. He reminds me of Miu Miu. They share the same color, both looking cute and adorable (yes all cats look the same wtf :/)  I was so tempted to touch his head, but somehow i was afraid. Afraid that he would bite me and also his dirtiness.

After he  finished all the tuna, he stared at me, and kept meowing. I moved backwards as he walked closer to me. I was afraid of cat’s attack okay, Miu Miu was tiny, so i can control him if anything happened but it’s a stray big kitty Im afraid la somehow.

I think he was just hungry and asking for more? So i went into kitchen again and this time i gave him all of the tuna that was left in the can. Again, I watched him eating. I felt really good :) and it reminds me of Miu Miu even more :’(

He didn’t finish it this time. After he got enough of his food, he stared at me again, kept meowing and walked even closer. Then, he came over to smell my foot, and started to rub his head against my foot. Rub and rub, he then lied on the floor with his legs facing up and started to play with his paws. He was just like Miu Miu where he used to play with me like that! Awwww~ I smiled, and smiled and I laughed, happily :D I started to accept him and went near him. I touched his head, and i played with him. As I squatted down, he came over to rub his head all around my body, and climb up to my body. He was just way too lovely! He showed his grateful to the person who fed him food :D Sometimes I love stray animals because they are grateful, and faithful. Okay unlike some homie pets, they wont come to you even u yell your lungs out, unless u say “come mum mum!”  then they come and left after they got their food wtf

He followed me wherever i go. I really really wished to bring him home (oh i mean upstairs to my room :/). Give him a warm home and take care of him. But sorry kitty I just can’t :( You remind me of Miu Miu, and also a mistake that i made before. I am a person who doesn’t think of the consequences in whatever situation, I am sometimes too emotional, I often did what my heart asked me to without asking my mind. And i have to deal with the consequences at the end of the day.

I just can’t handle another heartache. Till today, I still remember clearly how it feels like when bereaved myself of my love one.

I really really really wanted to keep him. For a moment, I had an urge to bring him in and take him to shower, just like the day i met Miu Miu. But i kept telling myself i can’t! thr’s no way I would repeat the same mistake again!

He followed me closely, and it’s quite hard for me to get into my house. I tried to run into the house in ignorance and close both the steel and wooden doors. Then i heard him jumping through steel door and kept meowing outside the wooden door. Awwwwww how can i bear to just leave him and run upstairs and act like nothing happened?! :’(

So I went out, and played with him for quite a while. After around 45 minutes, I couldnt bear with the hot weather anymore, I was sweating. It was freaking 1 in the middle of the night and the weather was HOT wtf. So i played with him and made him lie on the ground, then I ran into my house when he was not aware and closed the door again. and same thing happened. Awwwwww :’(

I went upstairs, pretending i heard nothing :(

I started to think about why i would fall in love with kitty. and why on earth I am so tempting to have a kitty in my life and I got myself answer :) Sometimes, somehow it feels like no one could understand me. Sometimes I just need to be loved, unconditionally, purely. Like how a pet loves his/her master :)

The next day i woke up and prepared to go to college, he was still there. Awwww. When I came back from college, he was gone. But he came back at night again. Same thing happened, I fed him food and he played with me :) But this time he was way smarter. After playing for quite a while, he ran to the wooden door, laying thr so when i open the door, he will be the first to enter the house wtf -.-

Now he is not here everyday, I only see him sometimes, i feel bad when i have no food for him when I see him. So i bought some kitty tuna to keep at home, in case he comes back :) But thr were 2 other kitties staying outside my house. I fed them sometimes, but they were afraid of human. They run away whenever i go near. I don’t eat cat la duhhh :(

My cousin sis tagged me in one of our childhood pictures in FB. I was kind of surprised to see my own childhood picture on the internet :D

I then downloaded the image.

Few days later, I looked at this picture of myself, for a few minutes. And I’m terrified.

She was cute, looking innocent, just like any other little girl. But I couldn’t recognize who she was. Why on earth would she turn into such a person you wouldn’t expect? Sometimes things have it’s way of working out unexpectedly,no? I think the person who are most difficult to understand this is indeed yourself. Sometimes, the person being the hardest to understand is ourselves. And the biggest fear is, when you wake up the next day in the morning, you couldn’t recognize who u were yesterday. You look into the mirror, you can’t recognize your own reflection that you’ve been looking at in the past 21 years. You’re afraid of what you are, you’re ashamed of what you did, and yourself.

My life is a quarter way through, and I’m lost as time goes by. How ironic

Life’s getting harder as you’re getting older. I am now almost done with my Diploma, after 3 yrs of struggling over tension and the hectic workload which comes with lotsa tears and the sudden urge of giving up and quit everytime I face problems. And now, I am going to graduate, very soon, stepping into to the next path of my life. That will be another turning point, and only god knows what would be the best.

She is now a grown up adult. There’s no one who could tell her who she is, or what she is supposed to be.